The Funny Things They Say

All In A Day's Work

Patrick came home with a bag full of owl pellets yesterday.  He was busting at the seams because he spent his entire science class dissecting the fur covered pieces.  As often happens, I was multi-tasking when he recounted his scientific laboratory experience, so I only half listened to what he was saying.

You can imagine my surprise then when I sat down to work with him this morning and he pulled out a Ziploc bag of hair-covered bones and fished them out onto the table.

"We have to glue these onto a piece of paper and label them," he explained as he picked through the wet, matted mass of fur and bones.

"And what are

those

things?" I asked, disgustedly.  I knew this wasn't going to be good.

"I told you, Mom, these are owl pellets," he said.

"What are owl pellets?"

"Remember, Mom?  I told you already! Owl pellets are the bones that come from an owl's throw up after he's eaten a mouse," Patrick said.  "These are mouse bones!" he said, triumphantly waving a hind leg under my nose.

"I think

I'm

going to puke," I said.  "You mean we have to actually glue these to paper?  I'm not touching those things.  You're going to have to do it."

To which Patrick replied, "This is the most disgusting, most awesomest thing I've ever done!"

Call me selfish, but I draw the line at wading through animal puke.  The human waste products I deal with are enough,

thankyouverymuch

.

 ___________________________

While I was driving, Camille sighed wistfully as she confessed,

"You know, that Ben Seeley is soooooo handsome.  I like him."

Ben, one of Patrick's close friends, is 11 years old and in the fifth grade.

Camille is

3

and thinks he's cute.  I'm nervous about her teen years. 

Yes, I am.

 ___________________________

Someone absconded with my camera and took some action shots.

Christopher to me as I was bending over to hand him something,

"You have a big butt, Mom."

And my confidence was officially bolstered for the entire day.

___________________________

Camille on the balmy 50* weather:

"It's hot out here!"

___________________________

And some photos.  Because he's so cute, I can't stand it.

7 Quick Takes Friday: The Comment Edition

1. 

On Sunday night, as we settled in to watch a movie (

Dan In Real Live

, one of John's favorites), John announced, "I've got to give Edward a bath.  He stinks!"

"No, he doesn't," I argued.  "He smells like chrism oil.  I love it."

"Well, I don't," he said.  "He smells like a disgusting scratch and sniff Halloween sticker I had when I was a kid."

2. 

While co-existing in the cry room with a handful of other miserable parents, Christopher and I had the following exchange:

Me:  Topher, please stop dropping the coins and making those loud sounds.

Topher:  Can Jesus see me?

Me: Of course.

Him:  No, he can't.

Me:  He can't?

Him:  No, because He's in my heart.

Me:  He's everywhere, even in your heart.

Him:  He's not in Monsignor.

Me:  He's not?

Him:  No, because Monsignor is like Jesus.

Cue teary-eyed maternal moment here.

3.  

Patrick's explanation of breast-feeding mammals:

"The young mammals suck on a mother's nibbles."

4.

Last week I received this comment in response to a post I wrote:

Doesn't your HUSBAND HELP YOU AT ALL? WOMEN CAN VOTE NOW. THEY ARE NOT SLAVES IN THE HOUSE!!! How old are your kids? Get them to help you! You can do better.

I thought it was funny, so I forwarded it along to my family and we exchanged a series of emails in which my sister, Sarah, and her husband, Ted, determined:

a.  the woman lives in Tampa, Florida (where my sister and her husband also live)

b.  she attends the same church as Ted and Sarah.

So Ted suggested the following:

This woman also likes to post about where she is on Twitter (i.e., I'm at Starbucks on this road).  When you guys come down for Disney, if she posts her location, we can take a little field trip and say hello.

To which, Sarah replied:

Can we take a field trip in the 15 passenger van? It would only be appropriate.  Dad, do you have a bumper sticker that says repeal the 19th amendment? We may need it. 

From these small email exchanges I learned:

1.  be careful what you write on the Internet because you may actually know the person (or at least co-exist with them)

2.  my family is fiercely loyal and

3.  they will make you live to regret leaving rude comments on a stranger's blogs.

5.  

Speaking of comments, I occasionally check my spam comment folder and lately I've notice a couple of real gems:

 My blog is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from a lot of the info.  Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog?Also visit my page :: viagra

And this:

I do not drop a ton of comments, but i did a few searching and wound up here. Could it be only me or does it give the impression like a few of these comments look like left by brain dead visitors? 

And finally this:

Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone! my web page ...

I also loved the one where the spammer was encouraging to improve my spelling.  Looking out for me, those spammers are.

6. 

My mom sent me this video of a fifteen minute speech given by one of Blessed Mother Teresa's doctors.  I loved the video for two reasons:

1.  His story is consistent of my experience with the Missionary of Charity sisters.  They are warriors for Christ--fearless and they get it done.  I

love

this. 

2.  Doctor George Lombardi is a terrific story teller with great timing.

This is well-worth the watch.

7.

It's still wicked cold here, but the snow sure is beautiful.

Go see

Jen for more

Gratuitous Baby Photos and A Recipe

I'm sure you wouldn't believe it if I told you that this child, in a fit of anger, told me she was going to give our baby away.  To emphasize her seriousness, she also threw one of Edward's diapers and her boots across the room.

Patrick, in casual observance of her fit of rage, said,

"Have you ever noticed how assertive Camille can be?"

No, Son.  No, I hadn't.

___________________________

Can you believe a friend of mine made these for the baby?  Aren't they adorable?  Seriously, some of the talent possessed by the women of the world blows my mind. 

____________________________

Another friend of mine made me some salted chocolate toffee pretzels and told me to hide them and eat them when I need a pick me up.

Holy Dangerous, Bat Man!

After she left and my little kids were napping, I thought I would sample her chocolate confection.  Ummm, there is almost nothing left.  These are slap-your-mama-good and none of the calories count at this time of year.

That's what I'm telling my postpartum self, anyway.

___________________________

Topher has been watching a little bit more television than usual.

Hey, guess what?

I don't feel one bit guilty about it.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Son.  Enjoy it while it lasts.

Appropriate television viewing ensemble

______________________________

Now for some gratuitous baby pics because I'm the mom and I can.

Isn't he cute?

Yeah, I think so too.

Have a fab Wednesday.

I'm off to cuddle with an infant.

7 Quick Takes Edition: More From The Funny Things They Say File


1.   

Me:  Camille, do you want a girl baby or a boy baby?

Camille:  I want a cute baby.


2.  

Christopher:  Since we have a new baby coming, we're gonna have to get rid of Camille.

    
3. 

Upon hearing I was pregnant again, one of John's coworkers said: 

"Man, you have got to quit negotiating with a naked woman."




4.  

Christopher to my friend, Karen:

"My mom has a baby in her tummy.  All she does all day is sleep and watch TV."



5.  

Me:  Be careful,  my tummy is upset.

(She was attempting to straddle me like a bull.)

Camille:  Ohhh, want me to hold you?

6.  

MB upon hearing the news we need to switch swim teams this year:

 "I don't want to switch swim teams!  I love the Shark swim team.  What's the new team name gonna be?  Octopus Butt?"

7.  

Camille:  What's wrong?  You sick?

Me:  nodding yes

Camille:  You need some medicine?

Me:  nodding no

Camille:  You frow up?

Me:  nodding yes

Camille with a loud sigh:  poor fing

Go see Jen for mo better quick takes.